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HELP! How do I get my 5-year-old to LISTEN??!!

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Nov 6, 2008, 3:37pm   #1
accio sacculus's Avatar
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accio sacculus
♥Chanel♥Bal♥Fendi
I'm at my wits end...my 5 year old, who has always been well behaved and mild mannered is turning into a nightmare because he just won't LISTEN! He asks questions, but doesn't listen to the answer and keeps asking the same question even though we've already answered him - several times. When ask him to stop doing something, he doesn't stop, even though we've asked several times. It seems he doesn't actually react to us until we're in scream mode. We've had his hearing checked - he's fine. And besides, he can hear us whispering the words "Toys R Us" from the other side of the house. So I really think his hearing is selective. We've tried everything - positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, good cop, bad cop, pleading, begging, scolding, threatening, reasoning He just doesn't seem to get it. He says he does, but it just keeps happening. What do we do? Please help!
Nov 6, 2008, 3:43pm   #2
ilovepinkhearts's Avatar
ilovepinkhearts
J'aime coeurs roses
oh we are so in the same boat, except mine is 6. and what me and dh have come to realize is that his little brain is going so fast that he can't slow down....he talks and talks and sometimes has to say a sentence 4 times to get it out all the way. his brain is going faster than his mouth.

so what he tried was when he asked a question and we tried to answer and he asked again because he couldn't focus, we would sit him down, tell him to calm down and to listen and then repeat what we told him.

just remember his little mind is going 90 to nothing, he is older now and is sucking up all that he can. he wants to learn and wants to know what this is and what that is....so all you can try to do is keep up with him.

**and i want to know what others have to say about this matter as well, and the tricks they have used...lol
Last edited Nov 6, 2008 at 3:44pm. Reason: **
Nov 6, 2008, 5:01pm   #3
divadivine682's Avatar
divadivine682
~lots of love~
You guys are in good company over here...my son will be 6 on monday (he's getting too big too fast!) and I always say "im pretty sure I gave him a working pair of ears when I gave birth to him....?". I think at this age it comes with the territory to some degree...
Nov 6, 2008, 7:38pm   #4
Cornflower Blue's Avatar
Cornflower Blue
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Please don't worry! My DS is now 11 yrs old, and was also like this when younger . And I agree, their brains are working at such lightening speed, it's practically scary! I reckon they have selective hearing at this age (and some of that that can indeed carry on until they're a ripe old age - I must introduce you to my husband sometime...!) But boys especially can be a bit all over the place at this age - they've asked the question, you've answered, but in the meantime they've been thinking about a whole lot of other stuff! They are waay ahead of you every time and then may suddenly remember what they've asked in the first place! You've just got to keep going because I found that sometimes (and I was soo glad of those 'sometimes'!) something you think they haven't heard, they actually have but are on to something else in the meantime and then the whole situation can become frustrating for the both of you.

It does get easier, a bit! If it's really important stuff you want to convey to him, kneeling down and getting down to his level, coupled with looking at him straight in the eye, might help. (Well it did for me on occasions!)

I wish you all the best.
Nov 6, 2008, 8:23pm   #5
accio sacculus's Avatar
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accio sacculus
♥Chanel♥Bal♥Fendi
Originally Posted by Cornflower Blue
Please don't worry! My DS is now 11 yrs old, and was also like this when younger . And I agree, their brains are working at such lightening speed, it's practically scary! I reckon they have selective hearing at this age (and some of that that can indeed carry on until they're a ripe old age - I must introduce you to my husband sometime...!) But boys especially can be a bit all over the place at this age - they've asked the question, you've answered, but in the meantime they've been thinking about a whole lot of other stuff! They are waay ahead of you every time and then may suddenly remember what they've asked in the first place! You've just got to keep going because I found that sometimes (and I was soo glad of those 'sometimes'!) something you think they haven't heard, they actually have but are on to something else in the meantime and then the whole situation can become frustrating for the both of you.

It does get easier, a bit! If it's really important stuff you want to convey to him, kneeling down and getting down to his level, coupled with looking at him straight in the eye, might help. (Well it did for me on occasions!)

I wish you all the best.
Scary thing is, I DO get down to his level, look him straight in the eye and say what I need him to hear - I even ask him to repeat what I just said, and he can never repeat it, because he was never listening. This happens daily and several times a day - to no avail...
Nov 7, 2008, 1:35pm   #6
AlohaGirl01's Avatar
AlohaGirl01
Member
My son is 4 and doing the same thing and he's talking back. I bought a Sears/Sears parenting book called Discpline. I've already looked through some of it and I like the advice so far. I'll let you know how it turns out!
Nov 7, 2008, 4:54pm   #7
merika's Avatar
merika
Wol
My son had the same problem, and was in speech therapy for about a year. The school psychologist's evaluation was that his hearing was fine, but he may have problems processing auditory input, especially two or three step instructions, or explanations longer than a single sentence.

It got seriously better when he was six, but until then reinforcing requests with lists and writing things out (or giving him written information when he wanted an answer) really helped. He's always been a person more comfortable with the written rather than the spoken word.
Nov 7, 2008, 6:22pm   #8
posk51's Avatar
posk51
Plaisir D' Amour
I agree that this is common! When my 7 year old was that age or perhaps a little younger I read 1-2-3 Magic it worked beautifully for her. Now my almost 4 year old son it's not working so well on....so I would give it a good consistent try for a while!

http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Ef...6100107&sr=8-1
Nov 7, 2008, 7:27pm   #9
BagLadie's Avatar
BagLadie
Got a handle on it
When you figure it out - tell me - I have a "just turned 6 yr old" and it's not easy!
Nov 8, 2008, 1:24am   #10
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caliprincess
Member
My 5 year old DD has been like that since she was 2. It's really frustrating. She still has fits on the floor when things don't go her way, still touches things she's not suppose to touch even though I tell her a million times not to, and is sooooooo stubborn!!! It's the fits I can't stand, I've been told to just let her scream because if I give in she'll keep doing that to get her way. I'm really hoping she'll grow out of it.

My other kids are not that way at all, I'm guessing it's just all kids that were born in 2003! (Not to offend any other kids who were born in 2003 or any other parents, but both my nephews born that year are the EXACT same way! I call them the "terrible 3 triplets".)

Sorry I couldn't be much help, just wanted to share so you don't think you're the only one in that situation!
Nov 9, 2008, 11:50pm   #11
PrettyInPink's Avatar
PrettyInPink
<3
I'm a teacher for this age group, and I agree... it is SO frustrating to get them to listen to you sometimes. When my students do this (ask me multiple times to repeat something, or ask me a question they've already asked ) I ask them to put on their "listening ears." And, then... I whisper the answer. I find that they will struggle to listen more when I answer things like this. And, they retain the information a lot more.

I joke that some of my students have "corn" growing in their ears... some of them just won't EVER listen. LOL
Nov 11, 2008, 6:10pm   #12
hipnycmom's Avatar
hipnycmom
Member
Sounds like DH LOL.
Seriously, when my boys do this (one is 7 and the other is 5), I ask them to listen up before I answer the question. Or I ignore the question if they ask repeatedly, and then I remind them that I will only answer the question once. After I answer, I ask them to repeat it and see if we understood each other. It normally works for me.
I also find it works better on the boys than on DH :)
Nov 12, 2008, 11:18pm   #13
mh21's Avatar
mh21
Member
Originally Posted by wentworthsgal
I'm at my wits end...my 5 year old, who has always been well behaved and mild mannered is turning into a nightmare because he just won't LISTEN! He asks questions, but doesn't listen to the answer and keeps asking the same question even though we've already answered him - several times. When ask him to stop doing something, he doesn't stop, even though we've asked several times. It seems he doesn't actually react to us until we're in scream mode. We've had his hearing checked - he's fine. And besides, he can hear us whispering the words "Toys R Us" from the other side of the house. So I really think his hearing is selective. We've tried everything - positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, good cop, bad cop, pleading, begging, scolding, threatening, reasoning He just doesn't seem to get it. He says he does, but it just keeps happening. What do we do? Please help!
When my DS (almost five) doesn't listen (and he is one of those that didn't listen even as a two year old) I will get down to his level and look him straight in the face and talk to him. That often works for me. I've also done the above too!
Nov 13, 2008, 9:21am   #14
~Fabulousity~'s Avatar
~Fabulousity~
Member
I feel your pain. My 4 yr old DD is a handful.
Nov 15, 2008, 4:17pm   #15
Trystana's Avatar
Trystana
Member
Originally Posted by mh21
When my DS (almost five) doesn't listen (and he is one of those that didn't listen even as a two year old) I will get down to his level and look him straight in the face and talk to him. That often works for me.
Yes!!! That works for me to!

And also what PrettyInPink said, whenever my daughter (5) raised her voice, I lowered mine.
That always resulted in her calming down and concentrating on what I have to say and the best part...we never yell !
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